Not all personal relationships are perfect; sometimes, you and your partner could end up with an agreement involving separation. It can happen, and sometimes, even if you try your best to continue with the relationship, you will often see that going separate ways is a much safer choice because you can both save what is left in that connection. Aside from that, if family and kids are involved, you know that saving the last drop of respect and appreciation is more meaningful than sticking to guilt trips and hatred.
According to a licensed marriage therapist, even if you and your partner are separated, once your kids are involved, you are still a team. You do not have much of a choice than to work it out together because your children need you to be exactly where you are – in parenthood. So, no matter how loud, messy, or complicated the breakup, separation, or divorce may be, both you and your partner are responsible for keeping the best parenting style that your kids require.
Truthfully, the process of handling kids when you are in a co parenting relationship, separated or divorced is way too challenging. Not only does your own happiness get tapped on, and your personal feelings get ignored, but you also have to sacrifice all your emotional well being gain for the sake of your children’s overall development. In some unfortunate cases, you end up choosing to co-parent with your ex spouse because that will benefit your kids greatly.
But then again, if you and your ex-partner don’t have much of an issue to resolve, you can come up with a better agreement and arrangement from which all of you can benefit. Your kids will have a chance to be with both their divorced parents (you and your difficult ex) and can set an amicable relationship without pressure. Besides, when you and your partner are dealing with things difficultly, just remember that you used to love each other back in the day.
Co-Parenting Basics
It’s usually best for children if co-parenting structures keep both you and your ex-partner involved in their lives. But it’s not always easy to create a new parenting plan and rules and arrangements, especially when the breakup or separation is too much to handle. When that is the case, here are some things that you and your ex-partner should consider for the best interests of your children.
Make It Work Because Your Kids Need To Come First
Regardless of your disagreements with your co-parent, your children’s well-being should always come first. Parents going through a divorce frequently claim that this is the most difficult concept to keep in mind, particularly if the divorce is awful and too complicated to handle. But the secret to a “successful” separation is prioritizing your kids’ safety and feeling of stability. So when your prior marriage or relationship troubles start to heat up the discussion, as co parents, do everything it takes to put your children first, even if it involves collaborating with a family therapy professional in order to assist you and your co-parent in bringing the subject back to what’s best for the kids.
Stay On The Same Page For The Big Stuff
Even during relationship disagreements, team communication is crucial. There will be disputes or disagreements, and it is important to avoid bringing up controversial subjects with the kids at all times. Some arguments, of course, simply cannot be put off. Therefore, decide carefully if and when to bring up a disagreement in front of the children. Steer clear of heated arguments over co parenting plan at every turn. You don’t have to try to control each other’s day-to-day parenting choices as long as you can realistically rely upon the fact that you are both motivated and committed to providing your children with a healthy, nurturing environment. Successful co parenting therapy co, counseling, or mediation may be helpful if you find it difficult to collaborate when dealing with important decision making.
Stick To Your Parenting Schedule
Remember that you must remain versatile despite your discomfort. While consistency and stability are essential for ensuring your children feel secure and safe in uncertain times, being adaptable is equally critical. To be with the kids, this might require rearranging schedules, attending school concerts, if necessary, changing days off to fit children’s schedules. Please don’t mess with your parenting time agreement once it has been established. You’ll be able to better manage your schedule, and the kids will feel safer if you treat the routine with full commitment. Youngsters have to trust that they can rely on spending time with their parents with consistency—every other weekend, for instance—and that this won’t be abruptly altered because one of them has to go out of town or run errands.
Don’t Put Your Children In The Middle
Even while you might never fully get over your anger or resentment at your breakup, you can learn to separate your emotions and keep in mind that these are problems that you, not your kids, are facing. Decide not to discuss your ex-situation with your young ones. Never use your children as messengers since doing so places them at the center of your argument with your co-parent. They become part of the feud, which should not happen in the first place. Make a straight call or email to your former partner in order to keep the kids out of your new relationship or marital problems.
Don’t Badmouth Your Co-Parent No Matter How Angry You Are
Resolve conflicts and your differences with your spouse privately, as experts believe that children may suffer mental and emotional issues when hearing one parent disrespect the other. In front of your kids, avoid criticizing your co-parent. Save your interactions with adult friends, a mental health professional, or your own parents for when you feel inclined to vent. A relationship that is unaffected by you exists between your children and their other parent. For this reason, never give your kids the impression that they have to pick between you and your ex-partner. Remember that as your kids grow older and develop an objective view of both of you, these kids will eventually come to the conclusion that their co-parent isn’t really a good person. Remember that respect goes a long way.
Make An Effort To Be Positive
When your kids are around, draw attention to your co-parent’s positive traits. There are simple methods to demonstrate to your kids that even after you split up, you still value your co-parent’s contributions to the family. The kids feel safer and more confident that they may openly compliment the absent parent without hurting their feelings. But it’s not just for your kids that you should maintain your optimistic outlook. You can really benefit from learning how to keep a positive mindset for the best interest of your personal health as well as your child’s well being. You and your ex need to make some important decisions together. Maintaining an open, honest, and direct communication channel with your ex is essential to the development of your kids as well as your relationship with them on significant matters.
Prioritize Communication For Effective Co-Parenting
Developing a communication plan that works for your whole family is one of the most fundamental co-parenting guidelines. This calls for being honest about your shortcomings and areas of strength. Whatever you choose to do, be sure that you and your ex-partner are always working together regarding the welfare of your children. In order to avoid punishing your co-parent, don’t cut off these interactions. When children witness adults employing the “silent treatment” as an instrument of intimidation against one another, it negatively impacts them and does not provide a positive example. Once you’re comfortable with co-parenting and assisting your kids well being, don’t forget to regularly assess your communication approach.
Smart About New Life Partners
Decide on the roles that the new partners may play with your kids while you and your co-parent build new healthy relationships. Experts in marriage and family relationships advise against the new partners getting involved in shared child-rearing arrangements or communicating with the former partner about the child’s life until they have a stable position within the family structure. As time goes on, you and your co-parent should work together to determine how the new partners may best take part in decisions that impact the children’s adjustment stage while always putting their welfare first.
Final Thoughts And Takeaways
There are many practical issues to sort through, like where you both live. Children generally do better when their parents live near each other, but this isn’t an option for all separated families. Whatever your situation, you and your kids’ other parents must make clear decisions about how you’ll parent your children now and in the future. It’ll be easier if you both keep open minds, be reasonable with your decisions, and try to think about your kids’ feelings (wants and children’s needs) as you work out your co-parenting arrangements. To meet everyone’s needs – with a focus on what’s best for the children – you might have to make some compromises and stay calm.
It can feel tough to communicate with someone you’d prefer to forget about, make decisions together, or even just talk to them. However, you can get around co-parenting obstacles and establish a friendly collaborative connection with your ex for the benefit of your children’s lives even if you are in other parent’s house. These tips will help you maintain calmness, be consistent, and settle disputes so that joint custody may work with your children’s overall development.