Growing up in a patriarchal household, you tend to see the roles that mom and dad play when it comes to parenting. The former, for instance, watch the kids like a hawk and keeps everything in order. The latter, on the other hand, typically has the final say on most decisions concerning the entire family.
What that entails is that if a kid comes home with a letter from the school principal because he punched a classmate, the mother cannot serve a punishment by herself. She can get angry and grill the child about why the incident occurred, yes. However, you will still hear her say at some point, “You just wait until your father hears about this fiasco you started.”
…acknowledge what your child might be feeling. Help them tell a story about what happened. — Amy Quinn, MA, MS, LMFT
It can feel great to know that everyone recognizes you as the head of the family, quite frankly. They won’t do anything unless you say it’s okay. The only downside here is that you need to worry about everything that the others could have resolved without you. Thus, instead of being able to rest after work, you have to think of various issues at home and feel anxiety creeping in little by little.
This kind of concern is something that you can talk about with your wife. You may relax your roles a bit so that you can make decisions alternately. Nevertheless, there are vital things that you need to remember to avoid transferring your worries to your kids.
- Let Them Conquer Their Fears Early
The first advice is to give your children a chance to overcome their phobias while they are still young. In case your baby girl is afraid of animals, you should bring her to a petting zoo often to let her realize that they are not scary at all. Assuming your son fears the water, you have to pencil swimming in your schedule regularly in hopes of making the aquaphobia go away in that manner.
If you shelter your kids for too long, you might as well pass down your mental disorder to them.
The tongue-in-cheek expression, “Do as I say, not as I do,” illustrates the understanding that youth pay a lot more attention to what their parents do than what they say. The way you conduct yourself in the presence of your children is likely to have a deep and lifelong impact on them. — Johannes Kieding, LCSW
- Don’t Be Too Critical
Parents with anxiety tend to become perfectionists when it comes to children. Whereas average folks allow the kid to choose their extracurricular activities, the former has to make sure that their son or daughter excels at all the additional classes that they are getting. If they fail at executing a good performance, they might not hear the end of it.
The reason why you should not act the same way with your children is that your perfectionism can give them anxiety. Say, they score A- at a math exam. It’s possible for them to dread coming home and showing it to you as you may be expecting an A+.
If you keep on being overly critical, the kids might resort to telling lies sooner or later.
In the case of communicating interest and support, parent-child relationships are most effective when we avoid criticism, sarcasm, negativity, punitive language, and scolding. — Jon Lasser, Ph.D.
- Fight Your Phobias
Last but not the least, you should have the strength to conquer all your fears. In case you are unaware of it, it matters to build your connection out of the house as well. Not trying means that you may not be able to go on adventures and bond over some things with your kids. You don’t want the day to arrive in which you can no longer relate to anything your babies say, do you?
Ultimately, the best alternative for you to deal with your anxieties appropriately is to partner with a compassionate and experienced therapist, one that you can have access to when you subscribe to the BetterHelp app. Signing up has never been easier and more convenient. Learn more about it by visiting BetterHelp’s official site and get the help you need today.
You can do so much to maintain the happiness painted on your children’s faces. Don’t pass up every opportunity to make that happen.