My husband used to be a gentle spirit. Whenever we would fight back in the day, he would always apologize to me even if it was not entirely his fault. He would do that because he did not want to prolong that fight.
Once we had kids, I also saw more of his patience, considering they were not the quietest children. They would always yell or scream or cry, and I would be the one getting angry all the time. Whenever that happened, though, my husband would be like, “No, no, dear. It’s okay; I can manage them now. You relax there.”
Diagnosis And Warning
When my husband was 35 years old, he got diagnosed with diabetes. It did not genuinely come as a surprise since the same illness ran in his family for ages. He was only slightly devastated because he was asked to choose between pills and injectable insulin, which meant that he could not escape a lifetime of medication either way. He eventually opted for the latter as it was known to have a better long-term effect on the body.
When my in-laws found out about it, they were more concerned for the kids and me than for my husband. I found that a little odder than the diagnosis because, well, I was not the one who would have to get insulin injections for the rest of their life – it was their son.
Still, my mother-in-law told me indiscreet, “John [my father-in-law] used to be as sweet and gentle as your husband right now. However, ever since he got diagnosed with diabetes and started getting treatment, he became more irritable than ever. It was as if he could find something maddening about everything before he even understood it completely.”
Shocked, I replied, “Oh, I did not know that was the case. I had never seen him angry around the kids or whenever we were around.”
“That’s just because I would be berating him before you arrive to ensure that he would keep his temper in check.”
I felt sorry for my mother-in-law. I had always thought that they had a perfect marriage, but there were still cracks in the relationship that were only held together basically by her. If she gave up, it would all fall apart. Nevertheless, I was hopeful that my husband would never turn out like that.
When Diabetes Changed Everything
I did not see much change in my husband in the first five years of taking insulin injections. He was still hard working; he was still helping out at home with the kids. However, my husband had somehow gotten more warm-blooded, which meant that it was easy for him to sweat and feel hot. In cases like that, he would be a little irritable until we got to a colder place, but it was something that I could handle easily.
I only started seeing a shift in his behavior and attitude when our kids were old enough to learn how to drive. He did not want them to enroll in a driving school, saying that he could teach what the instructors could and more. Of course, that was okay because it meant fewer bills for us. My children were even excited to do it and waved at me happily before they hopped in their father’s car.
However, three hours later, they all came home, and my teenage kids were crying. They had never cried like that ever since they were eight years old, so something must have really upset them.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Dad was very mean to us. He was yelling on our first try in the parking lot, calling us dumb for not getting what he was trying to teach in the first five minutes.”
Instead of feeling sorry, I saw my husband’s face scrunch up in annoyance. “Well, that serves you both right for not being quick learners!” he yelled before going to our room and slamming the door.
Taking A Quick Action
You should know about me because I don’t have the same amount of patience as my mother-in-law. As soon as my husband acted up like that, I called a counselor to talk to him about his behavior. Again, my husband seemed annoyed when the mental health professionals arrived, but I told him sternly that it was necessary to keep our family together. That must have shaken him up a bit because he went to the study room for his first consultation.
I may seem harsh for other couples, but the children did not deserve to deal with a short-tempered father. All it would do was make them feel emotionally abused and resent my husband for years. Also, I believed in nipping the problem in the bud before it would have a chance to grow and ruin our family forever.
To know how the counseling session went, please read the continue in the next article entitled Counseling 101: How To Keep Your Kids’ Respect.