A DVS Medically Unfounded Yet Oddly Acurate Parental Condition: Phantom Crying.

Finally (and somewhat miraculously) you’ve gotten your child to take a nap. Does that mean break time? Heck no, parent, it means catch-up time.

Before you even start, though, a familiar squeal emanates from across the house. #&*@. Baby’s crying. So you trudge on over, peek in the door, and there laying in the crib… a sleeping and perfectly peaceful baby. Hmm… you shrug it off and head over the vacuum cleaner.

Not two seconds after turning it on, though… “wwWWWAAAAAAHHH.” And what happens the moment you click off the VC? The baby stops as well. It then happens twice more. You weave your way through your unfinished house-ly tasks and peek in the kid’s room only to find exactly what you found before. A completely undisturbed and sleeping child. Huh?

The possibilities:

1.) Background noises are being mistaken for baby cries.

2.) The kid is crying at inopportune times.

3.) The kid is crying at inopportune time. Just to mess with your head.

4.) Your house is haunted by a creepy neglected ghost-baby.

5.) You’re going off the deep end.

Common sense should prevail and the explanation should simply be (1) or (2). However, raising children tends to make you just a little rocky in the whole “sanity” department.

I’m going with a little bit of (3) and a little bit of (5). No matter what, “Phantom Crying” is just a tiny example of what the lethal combination of sleep deprivation and dealing with tiny humans on a daily basis can do to your brain. I could go on, but I think there’s a baby crying.

Oh, wait, they’re both at school. Must be (4).

[insert maniacal laugh track here]