The Things That Should Tick Me Off (But Don’t)
Parenting does require patience, and lots of it. While some things tick me off no matter how much I try to shake them, these are the official things that should be making me mad, but don’t. Maybe I’ve been around the block a few times and that’s why they don’t get to me. But the reason I probably blow most of them off is because I have kids. Kids are the ultimate patience-testers along with the number one thing in life that can completely make you feel like nothing else matters.
1.) Low hanging pants. Sorry, old people*, but someday no one is going to care about people showing their underwear off anymore. Plus I’ve seen enough naked butts running around the house on a daily basis to appreciate kids who can at least cover theirs up with something. Sure, you can make laws to ban low-slung pants, but don’t worry. When you’re dead, we’ll repeal them.
2.) Kids who cry and/or misbehave in restaurants. This year, it will be six years of being a parent for me. Parents have a lot of different situations, and mine has honestly involved being with my children for a huge chunk of time both in and out of the house. If I get the chance to sit by myself in a restaurant without my own kids to worry about, you can be darned sure that I don’t care what anyone or their kids are doing. And for those whose “non-kid friendly” restaurant experience was “ruined” by someone who brought their kids? Shut up and enjoy your fancy schmancy meal. If you think about it really hard, chances are you are more obnoxious than the kids.
3.) Double parkers. I used to get mad when I pull up to an empty parking spot only to find a car hanging over the edge and rendering it useless except for motorcycles and smart cars. Then one day it hit me that maybe, just maybe, that car parked that way earlier because they had to park next to a previous double parker. Yes, unlikely, but yes, also possible, therefore getting upset about it is a complete waste of energy. The remedy to any parking difficulty? Park farther. Walk farther. Get exercise.
4.) Kids who cry and/or misbehave on airplanes. Yes, they are similar to the restaraunt people, except in this situation the price for the kid was at least a couple hundred dollars. And kids will be kids will be kids. Either a parent will be trying to quiet them down, or they won’t care at all. They also won’t care what you think. Single on an airplane? Buy some noise cancelling headphones and buy yourself a nice in-flight alcoholic beverage. Or drive.
5.) People who hold unnecessary grudges. For the love of everything good, man, life is short. Let it go. But on the other hand, if you have a problem with me because we had a disagreement ten years ago, please go seek therapy. And if you really don’t like me, I have no reason to waste my time and energy getting pissed off about it.
6.) Outdated technology. Dear old technology: Technically I am outdated, so I know what it’s like to be you. If someone thinks you shouldn’t be used anymore, then let them get thrown out two years after they’re good.
7.) Boys wearing blue and girls wearing pink. Same with the girl-boy toy aisles. Anymore, I just see it all as a way of categorizing stuff so that it is easier for my daughters to find the things that they like. If a girl likes Barbies, then so be it. If a boy likes Barbies, he should know exactly where they are in the toy store. If a girl wants to find the helicopters, then fine, she’ll know to head to the “blue” toy section. Tell me my girl doesn’t belong there, however, and I’ll go into a nice diatribe about why you have no business caring what my kids are interested in.
8.) Random swearing. Not like jerks in play areas, mind you, rather the random person you pass on the street who says the wrong thing. The world is full of crazy people who swear, kids who swear, movies that swear, YouTube movies of kids that swear, bloggers that swear, and so on. They pass by, you tell your kids that wasn’t a “good” word and you move on, anger-free. At least thats the way I f#%&$ing** do it.
9.) Hipsters. Really, when it comes down to it, they’re all just so darned adorable.
* aka older-than-old-me people