Ten Supplemental Mother’s Day Gifts c/o Dad Vs. Spawn
Mother’s Day is May 13, a short time away. That must mean all the fathers have their Mother’s Day gifts wrapped up, bowed, and ready to go. Alright, most fathers. Some dads? Anyone?
Well, if you need last minute ideas that are going to blow the mother of your children’s mind, you honestly came to the wrong place. These ideas are intended to supplement the gifts you are going to buy on May 12.
In a worst case scenario, like thinking that buying an electric mixer was a good idea*, some of these may be good for damage control. In a best case scenario, however, these are some ideas that you can (and should) be doing for your kid’s mom (much) more than once a year.
1.) Set up a Mom’s Night Out – Or let her set one up. Date nights are awesome, sure, but Mom’s Nights are fun and vent-tastic.
2.) Leave the house with the kids on a Saturday morning and don’t come back until after it’s dark. Alone time is quiet time, and quiet time means peace. What can she do? Whatever she wants.
3.) Stay at the house with the kids on a Saturday morning, tell mom to leave, do whatever she wants and come back when she pleases. Just like (2) but with more shopping. And shoes.
4.) Set aside a space for her in the house with no toys, bottles, drawings or anything kid-related. A womancave, if you will.**
5.) If you don’t already hand out back massages on demand, then get with the program, man.
6.) Tell mom to recall something from before parent-life, and even before relationship-life that she used to enjoy doing. Something she wouldn’t mind doing again. Make it happen.
7.) Give the gift of communication. Talk to her, or more importantly listen to her. Set aside some time to simply have a normal, back-and-forth conversation. Believe it or not, this is even sometimes possible with kids in the room. Unlikely… but possible!
8.) Go see a doctor, already, man! No not her, stupid – you! Either she cares about you enough to see you healthy or she wants her kid’s child-support payments to last until they aren’t kids anymore. Either way, stop being a stereotype, man up, and go let a doctor tell you how to live a more healthy life… do it for your family, man!
9.) On a less prostatic note, have your children make some Mother’s Day arts and crafts. Smaller children are super excited to do these things, and both tiny and older kids will need some help, but you need to make sure that mom gets some homemade love. Need ideas? You have an internets! Use it!
10.) Go traditional. Alright, then, lazy dad. I tried to help you out, but there’s nothing wrong with all of the old fallback gift ideas. Get her flowers, chocolate, a massage coupon, an apologetic Mother’s day card and call it a day. Keep in mind, though, that in return, for Father’s Day, you’ll probably be getting a tie.
* Appliance names have been changed to protect the inept.
** Velvet Ryan Gosling portaits optional.