What is the “Kids’ Meal Diet?” you ask? The Kid’s Meal Diet is simply where you eat what your kids do not.*

When children start eating solid foods, it is rather easy to not partake in the leftovers. I honestly have nothing against vegetables, but once they have been pureed into a very runny liquid… I’ll pass. No thanks. That’s not saying I never tried strained peas or liquid beef. I really wanted to like them both, especially the latter. But what works in theory most definitely does not work in practice when it comes to simultaneously liquifying foods and making them non-throw-uppable.

Don’t tell that to the babies, though. This is their introduction to food — Food 101, if you will. We’re basically saying to our kids, “remember that delicious breastmilk** you’ve been dining on? Sorry, but you won’t be eating that all your life. Try some runny prunes! At this point in time, the Kids’ Meal Diet is just that: for kids.

For all the baby-food-averse kids out there, an “it will taste better” campaign needs to be run, just to let them know that eventually they will be eating tasty grown-up food. Food that is so good, that Daddy will want to eat it for you. This is the crux of the “Kids’ Meal Diet.” Once you are past the whole deal with your child eating food that all-too-resembles what will eventually be coming out in the diaper, your kid will be eating the same thing that is on the grown-ups’ plates, only in smaller, more cut-up form. Anything the kids don’t eat is fair game.

At first it is easy to avoid eating your child’s leftovers because anything left uneaten will most likely be on the floor, and way past the five-second rule.*** Once the food in front of your kid gains the ability to not be eaten and remain on the plate, you will quickly realize that somebody needs to eat it, and that somebody might as well be you.

Here is where I must remind you that the Kids’ Meal Diet is not a weight-loss method, oh no. It’s only a way to make sure that less food is wasted, by making its way into your belly rather than into a trash can. At first this may lead to feelings of guilt because you are “eating your children’s food,” but there is no reason to feel this way. You are, in fact, only redirecting the food from a landfill directly into yourself. What happens to the food after that is strictly your business.

I, personally, have taken the Kids’ Meal Diet to the ultimate level. At a restaurant when it was just me and my two girls, I actually ordered only two kids’ meals, knowing that their tiny stomachs could only handle a small portion of the food that they ordered. Not only did it save me money, it also fed me AND put me on bad terms with the waitress. That last part is okay, though. People with kids are always on bad terms with waitresses.

At any rate, feel free to eat your kids’ leftover food whenever you want. It not only helps you to keep yourself satisfied, but it’s also a great excuse to put a smaller portion directly on your own plate at the beginning of any meal. Soon, you won’t be upset that your kids aren’t eating all of their food anymore. You’ll be overjoyed.*** Until, of course they are teenagers. Greedy, selfish teenagers.

[Ed. Note: The Kids' Meal Diet does not apply to Mothers. You have your own ballgame there, Moms, and no Dad really wants any part of it. Trust us.]

* Results may vary.

** The Kid’s Meal Diet does not include breast milk. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

*** If you can pick it up in five seconds, then it is still edible. The presence of dogs negates this rule entirely.